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His Playroom
Author: natatasha
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(Added on Nov 23, 2011)
(This month 50662 readers) (Total 68907 readers) |
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she thinks they are just going to spend a relaxing day together, but he has other plans. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 1 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (4.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (4/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (4/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (4/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 9, 2011 |
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My god - someone find the shift key.
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Given that this story is author natatasha's first story posted on the BDSM Library, a few pointers: First of all, sentences and proper names begin with capital letters. We can excuse the occasional messed up grammar issue, especially in an area like commas or something, but failing to capitalize your sentences? That's a non-starter. From a logical perspective, it disrupts the normal reading procedure, freaking out your reader base and making them pay more attention to the fact that you DIDN'T capitalize your sentences, than to your story.
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Your story plot was rather formulaic. Move out of the box. Your action description wasn't bad, and had I not been so terribly distracted by the capitalization issues, I might have even found the story erotic. As it was, there was nothing in the story itself that caught my eye sufficiently for me to move outside of the grammar issues.
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Yours Faithfully, Michael Alexander
(www.michaelalexanderstories.com) (4/10)
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