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Unruly Things
Author: Katharine Bessey
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(Added on Nov 5, 2011)
(This month 49745 readers) (Total 58702 readers) |
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Lady Tismyna, frigid Free Woman and Companion of Senator Atmiros of Ar, experiences a sexual awakening and enslaved by her own Companion |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
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of Ratings: 1 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (7/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 13, 2011 |
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I'm a little confused...
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Unruly Things isn't really a story. It's a vignette, a scene taken from a larger plot and given to the reader as a sort of appetizer, or snack, with promises of better things to come. Of course, this could be another attempt at a serial story, and if so... well... everyone knows how I feel about serials.
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However if this IS a serial story, it would explain why the plot in this first installment really doesn't go anywhere. It's because this first bit is an introduction into the character Lady Tismyna, who seems to be living in some sort of Islamic/Hedonistic future that requires "ladies" (but not slave girls) to wear ridiculous veils in practically a full burkha type outfit. As a practitioner of BDSM, I am not exactly a feminist, but I find this sort of gender oppression brutal and ridiculous (this is not a rant against the author! Just the world setting viels! LOL) and of course I don't seem to have a problem with all of the mostly naked sex slave girls. Perhaps it is I who have issues. Oh well.
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Grammatically this story is very well written. The author used compound sentences effectively and with skill, giving depth and complexity to the writing. Her character sketches, even of the unimportant slave girls, are vivid and makes it easy to picture what is going on.
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The sexual tension was also wonderful, right up until the story ended prematurely. The scene in the bathtub revealed some major mental/sexual issues for Lady Tismyna, whose nature I think, would do much better as one of the naked slave girls. I would love to see some women's lib here, or even better, the Senator Atmiros coming home and making her into one of the slave girls for him personally. But to be honest, I think that's what part two will be about anyway.
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Serial stories are tough to write because two things have to be considered. The first is that your readers are looking for a particular experience. In "Unruly Things", the introduction may have set the table, but it didn't provide either sexual satisfaction or a cliffhanger, either of which would bring the readers back for seconds. The second thing to consider is that each individual "part" of a serial needs to have it's own subplot within the overall series arc. Part One of "Unruly Things" was merely an intro. Imagine watching 24 or any other episodic television that has a two hour premier. The first hour is about introducing you to the characters, what they are about, what they think, what they do. The second hour is dedicated to the problem. Sometimes those things over lap, sure, but at least there is the introduction to the characters, then the introduction to the PLOT. That's what I'm missing here. Great intro, but Part Two should have been included to keep that sexual momentum going... or at least it should have ended with Senator whathisface coming in and finding Tismyna with her fingers buried in her sex. Or even better... the slave girl giving Tismyna a little oral relief. See? Character intro, foreshadowing, and instant tension creates plot.
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In my mind, this story could have rated much much higher because it's clear that the author has talent with writing. The only reason I couldn't go higher is because we've only gotten a smidgen of what is (hopefully) to come. We'll see what comes down the line later. I encourage the author to email me when the story is complete for a second review. I rarely bother with serial stories since I read so much literature, I'd have to start over at the beginning of each one.
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Yours Faithfully, Michael Alexander
(www.michaelalexanderstories.com) (7/10)
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