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Becky's fate at the hands of pirates
Author: Cindy McNeil
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(Added on Oct 9, 2011)
(This month 78431 readers) (Total 109204 readers) |
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Becky and her sister were traveling the south Pacific on a yacht owned by her sister's boyfriend. Tragedy struck the day pirates boarded the yacht, killing the boyfriend and captain, and taking Becky and her sister captive. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 6 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
| Average
Rating: (7/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 18, 2011 |
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There's something wrong with this website.
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Before I dive into "Becky's Fate At The Hands of Pirates", let me just state for the record that someone needs to email Tiger and let him know that the site's html code is not reading quotation marks correctly. This is one of several recently posted stories that has this problem and it is NOT the author's fault.
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Okay, let's start talking about Becky. The first thing that came to my mind was "she's 18 and still a virgin? Really?" But after finding out she was from Iowa and her parents basically dragooned older sis into taking her, I was somewhat appeased. From a plot perspective, this story wasn't anything spectacular. In fact, the title pretty much could serve as a synopsis. That said, the author proves once again that it is the TELLING of a story that makes it good, and not whether you have a fresh and unique plot. I'd gladly read more about Becky and her pirating experience.
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From a grammatical perspective, the author does a decent job. There were no overt errors that I noticed and the writing was simple and easy to understand. I WOULD recommend the author try combining some of her sentences into compound format using commas and transitions because this presents a depth and complexity that the classic simple sentence construct fails to do. It adds elegance.
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The descriptions were where this story really shined though. Ms. McNeil (the author) clearly knows how to TELL a story and she seems very aware of the fact that the author serves as the lens through which all things are viewed. We got images of practically everything, which was quite nice. I do have to admit that I felt the actual rape scene was rushed and the one area I felt Ms. McNeil missed was on Becky's emotional state. We got the PHYSICAL reaction she was enduring, but not the EMOTIONAL. It would have been a nice juxtaposition on the description.
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Speaking of juxtaposition, since the story was written in third person, it would have also been nice to get the tale of the older sister. A back and forth sort of switch between scenes would have added a lot of interest and would have made it easier for the author to be more creative within the actual rape scenes. In essence, the rape scenes are the climax to the story and building up the sexual tension as the girls are humiliated and the sexually tortured before being brutally raped would have really brought the story together well. That said, what we got was a cohesive whole, but to be honest it was sort of like getting a ham and cheese omelette when what I really wanted was a ham and cheese omelette with green pepper, mushrooms, and onions in it too. Was the ham and cheese omelette good? You betcha. Could it have been better? Oh yeah... and frankly, Ms. McNeil has the chops to pull it off.
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In summary I think we can expect a few more interesting tales from Ms. McNeil and I hope she considers a whole series of Becky stories. "Becky's fate at the hands of the Pirate Crew" and "Becky's fate at the Slave Market" and "Becky's Fate at the hands of her new owner" "Becky's fate when her owner gets tired of her and sells her to the Malaysian Mafia." See? This could be a whole series!
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Yours Faithfully, Michael Alexander
(www.michaelalexanderstories.com) (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
snuffy28
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 16, 2011 |
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Nice plot, Very interesting story but needs more details. Would love to find out what happening on deck and how becky enjoys the rest of her cruise11 (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
lonewolf8
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 15, 2011 |
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I like the story so far very much! There needs to be a lot more description and take your time with the story, describe the feelings of the girl better, this is going good, but you may want to rewrite the first part and flesh it out to make it longer and more detailed as others have suggested! Some real entertaining writing so far though, and I look forward to more! God job! (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
switchy76
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 11, 2011 |
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i love the story, but like the others said its to fast flowing.
i hope we get to read more parts. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
d1ll1gaf
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 10, 2011 |
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This story has great promise, and the writer is very proficient. It is easy to form a mental picture of what is happening in the story, however the rape / torture description is too quick. This story is targeted at a reader who want's to be able to fantasize about activities that would be wrong on multiple levels in real life, and when the whipping in the Captain's quarters only lasts for 6 sentences (and really with a couple of commas should have been 3 sentences) it is just too short.
I scored it a 5 but if the rape / torture sequences where expanded upon would probably upgrade that rating. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
dbenne2002
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 10, 2011 |
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Very descriptive. Reader can see the yacht and the pirates. Slight more descriptive words when talking about bodies, sweat coming down her breast, or size of the captives bodies and figures. Describe the captives in more detail, heir color, shaved pussy's, breast size, etc. Lokk forward to next chapter. (7/10)
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