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A Phone Call
Author: mustafa.fuch1
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(Added on Jan 3, 2009)
(This month 16866 readers) (Total 36189 readers) |
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A call from a girl bound naked to her broken machine, I girl I never met who read my post on a BDSM Blog, A girl in desperate need who took her fantasy too far... |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 3, 2010 |
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This is the second mustafa story I've read and frankly, I'm in the process of getting out my tool kit and seeing if I can build this damn thing. I mean, geeze, does this guy actually draw up blueprints before writing these stories? How the hell does he keep it all straight? Consider the following sentence: "I turned the crankshaft so the penetrator was fully inside her, pulled out the spring loaded clevis pin wound the crank back disengaged the pushrod, extracted the penetrator, undid the lock ring, unscrewed the green plastic phallus, chose a larger one pushed it right in her to check it was comfortable for her, then screwed it to the push rod and tightened the lock ring, all the time sensing her dripping cunt was just crying out for attention glistening and dripping and ready" Not only is this a run on sentence, but its like the instructions for turning on a nuclear reactor. Can things get any more complicated? Well...yes they can.
*** From a story perspective, part one was pretty awesome. We had a rather fresh plot concept that rolled along nicely with decent action and dialog that climaxed with the narrator Neil getting laid. Sweet. I liked it. Granted, it wasn't sexually tense. More like getting into a tepid bathtub, but it was fun, and sometimes fun is more important than tense.
*** Part two is where things start to fall apart, and I'm not just talking about all the various self-installed machines Neil has to fix, along with their owners. I'm talking about story. Part two is where things become this mishmash of characters, scenes, and dialog that moves from one clusterfuck to another without any kind of setup, descriptions, or even a space to indicate "oh...Neil is on to another call. I wonder who he will fuck this time?" Great plot concept for part two, but Mustafa zipped through the action and scenes so fast that it was difficult to get my bearings. Just like the last story of Mustafa's that I read (The FM2000S) the author concentrates on these ultra detailed fucking machine descriptions that blow your mind, all the while wishing you were getting blown a little lower.
*** Grammatically, Mustafa does a good job with his writing and he really knows how to describe machinery. Part one of a Phone Call actually saw him describe scenery and even the characters and I was quite pleased with that. So we know he can do it, and do it well.
*** So in summary this story was another 10 for all of those fucking machine geeks who like to build anal and vaginal penetrators in their garage. For those of us who like the rhythmic motion of a rod being thrust in and out of a darling beauty...well, this had that too. Just try not to get bogged down with the technical schematics. Yours Faithfully, Michael Alexander. (www.michaelalexanderstories.com) (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 23, 2009 |
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nicely done and thought of (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 7, 2009 |
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I had quite the chuckle, here and there, because of some great dialogue... hehe.
Tho maybe rather thin on the sexual exploits, this still is above par and a nice read.
Btw, I absolutely must read your previous installment, as I noticed that Ms Cleghorn's aparatus comes from my home country...
JJ (9/10)
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- Replied by:
mustafa.fuch1
(Edit) (Jan 13, 2009)
- Hi i'm pleased you liked this little tale, there is more to come. The story was inspired by Catherine Makes a Change by petricia, which is very good story but left me thinking about poor Catherine... so my heroine is a modern girl who always keeps her mobile phone at hand.....
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| Reviewer:
Curtis
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 7, 2009 |
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Not much sex in this one, and it gets a bit too technical for me to follow at one spot, but not a bad little piece all told. The writer knows his craft, which is always a relief. (7/10)
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