|
|
|
|
|
First day of new life
Author: submissive afro
|
| |
(Added on Jul 19, 2007)
(This month 48115 readers) (Total 55682 readers) |
| |
my first story so be kind...the imaginary first day of moving in with my dream domme |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 1 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
| 0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
100% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
|
Weighed
Average (?):  (5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (5/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (5/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (5/10) |
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 20, 2007 |
| |
The basic theme of the story is quite good. There are serious concerns, however, which make it hard to read. Sentences start with capital letters. Spelling is checked before submission, and the story is proof-read by someone close who can help avoid mistakes. Codes are used here (when submitting) so readers know what they are getting.
Then you might take a look at your character's usage of words. He can talk about giving a rim job, but can't say "shit"?
Please, keep writing. There is skill there... but it needs to be nurtured and grown. The score is a gift, because there is no "the story is good but the writer ignored all grammatical rules". (5/10)
|
|
|
About 