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The Teachers Pet
Author: Lewis Chappelle
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(Added on Jan 17, 2007)
(This month 60399 readers) (Total 84934 readers) |
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A F/f+ story of female dominance and the budding submission of young girls. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 7 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (6/10) |
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 6, 2010 |
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Here's a few points I would like to make, not only to Lewis Chappelle, but to everyone writing.
First, when showing someone in an authoritative position; don't make 'em shout in anger, because this shows a person who is out of options/at a loss, and secondly, it undermines the authority of said person.
Secondly, quit switching too often and too fast between tidbits of information and short outbursts of dialogue. It hampers the reading and it doesn't help the story along.
Also, when using abrevviations --like "BSG" for the Buckman School For Girls-- either do it sparsely to not let the reader go back to see what the abrevviation was for, or just use "Buckman" instead. The reader will stay the more wiser.
Thirdly, don't paint your main characters --in this case the teachers-- like sex-crazed loons on the rampage for fresh flesh. It comes across as too much wishfull thinking and it doesn't help the story either, as anybody can see what's coming from miles away.
Remember that, the more Miss Everyday your character is, the more lecherous you can make her become. When you start off with a sexual predator, who's going after her girls like an enraged bull after a red cloth, you run out of options in a hurry.
In "Teacher's Pet", as of the fourth paragraph, the story is given away by the characterization of Renee. Especially when we have the questions "Are you active sexually" and "Have you ever been with a girl" bluntly thrown in our unsuspecting faces... From there on, instead of building-up the story, you can't go elsewhere but down.
And "Miss Renee" isn't a telltale sign of respect, it is one of familiarity. "Miss Roberts" is a sign of respect.
Again we are confronted with Chappelle's familiar skippings, like writing a story is all about little paragraphs filled with action and/or dialogue and that what goes on isn't needed.
Anyway, that's my view.
JJ (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
Dryhill
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 25, 2010 |
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i liked the idea behind the story and the story was quite well told, but more characterization please. Having said that i look forward to reading more about these four, will there be another joining them soon? (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Matt43
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 12, 2009 |
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A well written story. Any chance of a sequel? I would like to read more on the life of your four characters. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
Elkor
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 21, 2007 |
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The story line was quite provocative, and the development worked nicely. Most of the action is in dialogue form, though, which can make it hard to follow in parts. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
frank47_1999
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 21, 2007 |
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Lewis has now written 13 stories and each one shows an improvment over the previous one. Without making a story over complexed it is easier to read and digest, offers a lot of conversation letting the reader become a 'listener' Once Lewis introduces an unexpected twist he will be very much sought after as a writer - Welll Done
(9/10)
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| Reviewer:
Satan_Klaus
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 18, 2007 |
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I do believe this story has "the magic" or whatever you want to call it. That special something that separates the good stories from the bad. However, the writing style is just horrible!
Short, incomplete sentences and dialogue; It feels like it was rushed to reach a certain point. It's far more important to flesh out the story, give descriptions, use adjectives. (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 18, 2007 |
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the story iself was good but at time i felt like iwas ready a high school romance novel the way it was layed out (7/10)
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- Replied by:
frank47_1999
(Edit) (Jan 21, 2007)
- Lewis has now written 13 stories and each one shows an improvemnet over the previous one. Without making a story over complexed it is easier to read and digest, offers a lot of conversation letting the reader become a 'listener'Once Lewis introduces an unexpected twist he will be very much sought after as a writer
Well Done
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