|
|
|
|
|
Wedding Crasher
Author: Downtown Charlie
|
| |
(Added on Aug 10, 2006)
(This month 49217 readers) (Total 60359 readers) |
| |
Master comes to claim his slut during her wedding day. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 7 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
| 0% |
0% |
0% |
14% |
43% |
29% |
14% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
|
Weighed
Average (?):  (5.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (5.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (7/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (4/10) |
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
ElectricBadger
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 11, 2006 |
| |
Excellent concept, could use a bit more history and explanation -- why is she allowing/participating in this? What does the husband know/suspect/act like? As mentioned, it just needs a little bit MORE. I look forward to reading it! (6/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
submit63
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 11, 2006 |
| |
I liked it, and as a first writing effort the story has its merits. I give it a good rating because the eroticism of the concept compensates in part for the sketchy dialogues and the lack of detail. (7/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Millie
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 10, 2006 |
| |
The idea is good, and the first chapter of the first story is always the hardest but you need more detail, more information. The chapter was a bit short too, but if you put some conversation in, some back story, or more back story than is already there, your ratings should improve. (5/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 10, 2006 |
| |
Well, it is okay for a start, I guess. It was way too short and devoid of many important details. If you improve it, I will be glad to raise my rating. (5/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 10, 2006 |
| |
for a first attempt it is good, but i was hoping for more based on the title thought it would be more nc ect (6/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Wistan
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 10, 2006 |
| |
Not bad at all for a first effort!
The basic premise of a bride being claimed by another man on her wedding day is quite original and good, I like it as a concept.
The execution isn't that great. The story is very short, which means we don't get a whole lot of insight into the characters. The author needs to spend more time describing what people are thinking and feeling.
Also, there's very little in the way of dialogue. Strictly speaking you can get away with that if you use the right writing style, by using a passive voice - "he told me to do this, I said no, he became demanding..." sort of writing. But personally I always find it much easier to connect to the story if it actually quotes what people say to one another and talks about their tone of voice, their expressions, body language, that kind of stuff.
You show a promise as a writer, and I hope to see more from you as you develop your skills! (5/10)
|
|
|
About 