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Betrayed
Author: Aussiegirl
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(Added on May 4, 2006)
(This month 22888 readers) (Total 43383 readers) |
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What happens when your trust is betrayed? Beth finds out her new boyfriend is not the nice guy she thought he was. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 6 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (8/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (6/10) |
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| Reviewer:
H Dean
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 8, 2006 |
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This was well worth the read. The sexual content was well presented and the story pulled me on. I would have liked to see Beth's struggles a little more fleshed out though. Even so, you did quite a good job with this story. I do have a complaint. The use of terms like "undid his zip" or "undid the buttons" made me cringe. These phrases, while common, are sophomoric, of poor form and do not match up with the quality of this story or your story telling abilities. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
ThisGirl
(Edit) (May 8, 2006)
- Just curious, H Dean, what substitutions would you suggest?
- Replied by:
H Dean
(Edit) (May 9, 2006)
- I would use "unzipped his pants" or "unbuttoned the shirt". "Undid", to me, is as correct a way of expression as "irregardless".
**By the way, I just re-read my review and my comment sounded harsh. Really, the comment, Aussiegirl, is because I think highly of your work. So, I apologize if I appeared harsh, it was not meant to be.
- Replied by:
Aussiegirl1
(Edit) (May 9, 2006)
- Thanks H Dean,
I have been waiting for your comment! I will certainly be aware of those phrases mentioned as it was something I hadn't even thought about.Glad you thought it was worth a 9, that makes me happy. It is hard to make a written comment not sound harsh sometimes, but I understand the way you review now (with a lot of thought) and it is not a problem.
- Replied by:
H Dean
(Edit) (May 9, 2006)
- Waiting for my comment? So, I'm a stalker now, eh? I'll show you!
Seriously, I am glad you understand and that I don't have to "undo" any damage.
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| Reviewer:
ThisGirl
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 8, 2006 |
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I enjoyed the sexual content- the ways in which poor Beth was used and abused. I would love to see the characters developed more, as well as more details of each ordeal Beth underwent. I had some difficulty really feeling the things she was put through. Aussiegirl, I think you've got some great ideas, and in fact, I think you have so many that you want to get out that you didn't have time for all the details. But I would love to see this story revisited, with each scene's details expanded and elaborated on. (6/10)
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- Replied by:
Aussiegirl1
(Edit) (May 8, 2006)
- Fair enough comment, though I purposely moved the story along quickly.
- Replied by:
Aussiegirl1
(Edit) (May 8, 2006)
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| Reviewer:
slutsteph
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 7, 2006 |
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So close to a 10. girl loves the plot and potential. If the story continues her plunge into slavery, girl will change this score to a 10. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Aussiegirl1
(Edit) (May 8, 2006)
- Thanks slutsteph,
The story will continue on, with more adventures coming soon.
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| Reviewer:
La Toya
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 5, 2006 |
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Great story. I would love to hear how her new life goes. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Aussiegirl1
(Edit) (May 5, 2006)
- Thanks La Toya,
I am in the process of working out what will happen to her now.
Aussiegirl
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| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 5, 2006 |
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A fine beginning to what might have been just another tired retelling. Looking forward to more! (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Aussiegirl1
(Edit) (May 5, 2006)
- Thanks chksng19,
I am glad you didn't think it was a tired retelling. More will come in time.
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| Reviewer:
laursie
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 5, 2006 |
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As usual you delivered a very great read. Very erotic sexy story. I hope you continue her story soon. The characters are wonderful the progression of the story is good. Please continue soon. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Aussiegirl1
(Edit) (May 5, 2006)
Thanks Laursie for your kind words. I do plan to continue the story, though not sure yet when it will be ready to post.
Aussiegirl
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