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Kamika
Author: S3phiroth
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(Added on Feb 2, 2006)
(This month 48266 readers) (Total 59928 readers) |
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A story of revenge |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (3.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (2.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (3/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (2/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Dododecapod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 4, 2006 |
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This is not very good. You need to give us much more detail - who is Kevin, what does he do for a living, does he have family? Answering these questions makes the character come alive, as do descriptions, such as eye color, hair color, shape of the nose, prominent scars.
"An ordinary kidnapping" is very unsatisfying to the reader. Erotic writing is about events, described in detail, with feeling and interest.
One piece of advice: place a space after all punctuation marks. This makes the narrative much less cluttered and emphasizes the change of phrase or sentence. (3/10)
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- Replied by:
S3ph|r0th
(Edit) (Feb 5, 2006)
- Thank you for your review. This was the first story i've ever written, with that said I do not have the aspiration of being a serious novelist and i beg to differ about being more detailed because this is not even close to be a character driven story. It revolves around events. It is also not fair to use colors, descriptions,etc... because it discourages the reader to use his/her imagination. That was a good review though, and i will work on adding a little more detail next time and add spaces(of all things) =) Keep up the site support, people like you that make the site great.
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| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 2, 2006 |
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If English is your primary language, you need an English-speaking editor. If not, you REALLY need an editor.
Choppy sentences, punctuation stuck everywhere, wrong words, lots to work on. Work on these things, because there is potential in the story. (2/10)
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