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The the Oak and ...
Author: pr_squared
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(Added on Dec 15, 2005)
(This month 53563 readers) (Total 66606 readers) |
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Beth and Caitlin take their ponies to the lake. A ponyboy story |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (8/10) |
Average
Rating:  (9/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (8/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Ranai
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 7, 2006 |
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Storytelling skills and style in this short piece are impressive. Sexy and entertaining. The subtle undercurrent of violence, manifested in physical exertion, playful contest and physical control, makes it all the more erotic. Thank you very much!
Now on to the criticism – since I enjoy your writing so much I have lots to criticise. :-)
Explicit lecturing such as the paragraph ‘Once a woman’s nakedness (...) proximity to the bestial’ does not really impress me at all; neither in content nor in form. Why not just create your context and ‘show, don’t tell’.
Since the events in the story ‘Big Boy’, this character seems to have gotten over any residual resentment caused by his abduction, forced enslavement and ponification. It turns out that for me personally, observing the thoughts and emotions of a completely brainwashed character is not so thrilling. I enjoy witnessing the goings-on in the mind of a man who is being forced to obey, and is aware that he is bending to another’s will against his will. In other words, if a story context happens to be nonconsensual, personally I like the story to relish that fact. This facet of character development takes away some of the tension that existed in the story ‘Big Boy’.
The erotic tension is still there, though – and how! Very well described, and developed using the possibilities of the outdoor setting.
And here again I have something to question.
Personally I find it hard to wrap my mind around the notion that in the fantasy universe used here, ALL the female characters appear to find their male living possessions completely sexually undesirable, whereas to me personally their obedience, the way they submit to direction and restriction, the way they have to put their bodies and their strength completely at their riders’ disposal, is attractive and charming.
Considering the erotically loaded atmosphere of the entire episode, which is released in the two women happily making out with each other, but which to some extent is also fuelled by the interaction with their mounts, the ‘dirty and disgusting creature’ comment comes pretty much out of the blue. But I understand that humiliation fetishes must be fed. ;-) (10/10)
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- Replied by:
pr_squared
(Edit) (Jan 8, 2006)
- Thank you for the time, thought, and kind words shared in your review.
I apologize for my expositiory lumps.
You detect my ambivalance about the attitude of the Pony to his mistress. I've also had trouble on the attraction between mistress and Pony. When I've included more a more overtly sexual interaction - the results have been even worse.
Thanks again for your interest.
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| Reviewer:
Travis
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 23, 2005 |
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While not exciting for me personally, very well written--first class. (8/10)
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