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For Anne
Author: SteelWhip
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(Added on May 18, 2005)
(This month 7740 readers) (Total 14267 readers) |
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Master comes over and he and slave have some afternoon fun with each other. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (6/10) |
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| Reviewer:
nicekitten
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 29, 2005 |
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Good description, nice story to fantasize about (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
Breannefun
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 20, 2005 |
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This was a fairly typical plot outline, but still a good one. The first thing I would recommend is not to write in present tense. Very few authors do this well, and to be honest even the ones who do generally sounds like they are writing a screen play rather than a story. Second, there were a good number of errors in the story that would have been caught by SpellCheck and Grammer Check. Your dialog carried the story well, moving it rapidly through the plot and that was well done. Another thing to consider is adding graphic descriptors. And lastly, while I'm sure that its important to note to everyone the breast size of your female character,38DD is not something you should use to describe her breasts. Use a metaphore, like : She needed a forklift and a small crane to keep her breasts up. I notice that this is your second story. Keep it up because the more you practice the better you get.
(6/10)
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