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Dreams of a Black Horse
Author: Fully2love
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(Added on May 2, 2004)
(This month 10388 readers) (Total 18684 readers) |
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Kathy awakes to find herself in a nightmere worst than her dreams when her Boss takes her on a business trip to Mexico. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6/10) |
| Average
Rating: (6/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
crickette
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 4, 2005 |
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Not bad, felt a little rushed. Definately some good scences. Could use a little more character development. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Luisa
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 5, 2004 |
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Dissappointing because it promised much (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Alex Bragi
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 4, 2004 |
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It's always disappointing to see a good story idea not quite come to fruition.
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Unfortunately this one is spoilt with missing commas, dialog missing inverted commas, simple spelling mistakes, misplaced words, and changes in tenses, that all should have been picked up before this piece was ever posted. And did they go to Mexico or California?
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I think, too, it could have benefited from a little of the old 'showing rather than telling'. E.g. Telling: (from the story)'Nick knew that I did not like to fly, so he suggested that I take a sleeping pill before take off.' Showing would be something like: Nick knew I didn't like to fly. "Here take one of these before we take off," he suggested, smiling and offering me a small green tablet. "It'll have you sleeping like a baby in no time."
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As it stands, it just simply isn’t the enjoyable read that it could have been with a little more detail and a good proof read.
(5/10)
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| Reviewer:
t1220
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 4, 2004 |
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liked the content, but it could be a littlebit longer... (8/10)
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