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Her
Author: Subher
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(Added on Oct 21, 2003)
(This month 50466 readers) (Total 62586 readers) |
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She takes all he gives her. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 6 |
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17% |
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33% |
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17% |
17% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6/10) |
| Average
Rating: (6/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (3/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Breathless
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 11, 2005 |
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There is some great underlying tension along with the overt brutality here, both of which are arousing. But as stated by others, this piece needs a lot of work to make it a story. A little character development would go a long way toward making us care about either one of them.
Having said all that, I'd like to see what the "surprise" is that he has for her (me? POV shift at the end!) that night.
(5/10)
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| Reviewer:
tiffany love
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 2, 2005 |
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this wasn't a story but a segment, and yet i liked it
(10/10)
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| Reviewer:
Alex Bragi
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 28, 2003 |
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Oh boy, when a story gets such mixed reviews and ratings it impossible to resist having a little look at it. I have to agree with everything that already been said. I guess this is what a lot of people would rather crudely and cruelly call a 'stroke' story - for obvious reasons.
Now the main problem I personally found was simply time and time again, missed opportunities for hot and juicy details. Take your opening sentence for instance.
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'She answered the door and He rushed inside and told her to lock it. '
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Ok, that's fine, but details please!
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She opened the door, just a little at first, and peered up at him with a timid smile. "Let me in slut," he demanded, as he slammed his fist against it and barged his way in. "Now lock it!"
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Reiterating the good advice e.e. has given you, start focusing on character, plot development, setting a scene, casting a mood, and your story/stories will really excel. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
e.e. norcod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 23, 2003 |
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All action, no character, no scene, no mood, no development. This is the literary equivalent of cheap porno. So why not a "2". The writer has a gift for making prose flow and obviously enjoys writing. The authors joy in writing filters through the obvious lack of higher writing skills. Keep at it but start focusing on character, plot development, setting a scene, casting a mood.
Good Luck (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
Equalizer
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 22, 2003 |
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The fastest moving sex story I've ever read. The complete opposite of tantric sex. (3/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 22, 2003 |
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It has the potiential of a great story, but the action is way to fast paced, slow it down a little and get in more detail aboutwhat happens to her ect. ect. (9/10)
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