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Tina-S
Author: Mobius
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(Added on Sep 1, 2003)
(This month 54895 readers) (Total 71305 readers) |
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Teen Daughter is conditioned by her Parents to be the property of a future Master. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 5 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (6/10) |
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| Reviewer:
trainer81
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 21, 2006 |
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Not a bad story. Your writing is good keep it up man. I was really taken by this story. The characters where a little bit on the rough side but I can tell you right now it's very good, molding. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
jip
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 19, 2006 |
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Seems there was no continuation. Anyway the first (and only?) part is quite nice. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
e.e. norcod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 28, 2003 |
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Promising. I agree with Lord Douche about the need for editing. However I disagree (rare, rare) with Lex Luddite. I, and a lot of others like a story that developes slowly. Keep it up. You don't have to strive for too much novelty right up front. Take time to set the scene, flesh out the colors, develope the characters. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
Lord Douche
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 3, 2003 |
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Nice work Mobius. Congrats on your first story.
Just a suggestion that you should perhaps get someone to proof-read your work, to iron out the punctuation :)
Also: most adults can take 2 quarts of water fairly easily after a few prior cleanouts. I should know ;) (8/10)
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- Replied by:
Mobius
(Edit) (Sep 3, 2003)
- Thank you for your input. I agree that spelling and punctuation needs work. It was a quick work only about 2 hours. Posted it to the forum had some positive input. So I posted it to the library. I will have a editor look it over when I do chapter 2 this weekend thanks
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| Reviewer:
lex ludite
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 1, 2003 |
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Lots of possibilities for some decent action, but the pace is a bit slow for my tastes and nothing very original has happened to date. Be advised this is a preliminary rating that is always subject to change if some of the possibilities become realities. (6/10)
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- Replied by:
Mobius
(Edit) (Sep 1, 2003)
- Thanks for your coments. Only my first attempt at a story. I agree with your coments the pace needs to be faster and yes I used things that I have read elswhere
- Replied by:
Mobius
(Edit) (Sep 1, 2003)
- Thanks for your coments. Only my first attempt at a story. I agree with your coments the pace needs to be faster and yes I used things that I have read elswhere
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