NIGHT TALK II
The walk was quiet to Adam's room, and I felt his eyes on me heavily. Taking me
in with some new kind of fathomless speculation. It was eerie.
When he closed the door on his room, he took the collar from me. The length of
it falling from his fingers to the floor as he faced me. I felt fear.
Quicksilver, mercurial. Running through my limbs and circling my heart. He took
the cuffs from my limbs, and stood back up. Very close, but not touching me.
His hands reached for me, so quickly, that I backed away from them. Turning
back to the door with a reckless unknown emotion roiling through me. I had my
hand on the doorknob, and the portal half opened when he was suddenly behind me.
His body hard against mine. Pushing me to the door and slamming it closed with
our weight.
"Don't..." I whispered and the word itself was torment to my ears. The
pleading lost sound of that simple command weakly falling from my lips in
supplication. "I can't..."
"Shhh... Hush, I won't hurt you." I forced myself to silence, my hands spread
against the wood before me. Eyes burning with unshed tears.
`No, not this. Never this. Not emotion, not feelings that had nothing to do
with my body. Let me die in peace, and alone, and quietly painless. Let my
heart alone!' Thoughts like wildfire. Dire warnings of an enormous crack in the
armor. My spirit was screaming silently. No audible noise except for the harsh
sound of my breath as I fought for control.
I was not used to having my feelings so close to the surface. I didn't want
love, or feelings, or even nice. Was there nothing that I wanted in this world?
I was so confused! The truth was that I did not know what I wanted. The flesh
seemed like the only thing I listened too now. The only part of me not
concealed by some thin veneer of steel and ice. I felt Adam's hands on my
skin. His fingers on my shoulder. Breath warm against my neck, and so damn
gentle, I almost broke from the poignant brush of him against my soul.
"Don't..." But that whispered plea had even less conviction than the first.
"Don't speak." He said, softly. He brushed the hair from my shoulder, and
turned me in his arms. I kept my eyes down, not wanting to look at him. Not
wanting him to see what I was feeling. His strong hands closed on my arms. His
left sliding up the upper arm, and over the shoulder to rest under my chin. A
caress that reminded me of my grandfather's hands as he sought my eyes to
discover some secret that I had hidden. Some shame that he would find reflected
in the depths of my gaze. The fingers went to raise my eyes. I resisted him,
closing them to hide them.
He was insistent, seeking answers to questions that Jon had raised. Things that
he had missed in his observations that he couldn't believe had gotten past him.
Things too raw and open for me to want to reveal. He would not stop looking and
I knew that I only put off the inevitable, but if I gave him what he sought.
Adam would own me in a way that I feared more than any other. For if I loved
him and he did not love me. Well, then I would be lost. If his love belonged
to another, I would die. The third player in a play that would totally destroy
whatever was left of my spirit when the curtain fell. I would cease to exist.
"Open your eyes." I heard his command over the pounding in my heart, and
squeezed them shut tightly. "Open them!" I did, trying for neutrality.
Blankness, but it was impossible. I pushed at him, tears flowing down my
cheeks.
"Don't.. I told you not too. Why did you..." Pulled tightly to his chest, and
held still by a strength that I knew would be futile to fight. I could not. I
would not... He put his lips on mine. The breath of his cologne running over
me. Tongue slipping into my mouth so softly that I could barely feel it, until
it twined with mine. Being lifted and turned until I was dizzy with motion and
laid down on the bed. His body over mine, and hands reaching for protection
while never once did his lips leave mine.
He was covered and in my body before I could take three deep breaths around the
lump in my throat. Before more than six tears had run down my face at the
insistent motion of his body in mine. Adam's face traveled down my neck, and I
leaned into it. Using my hands to good purpose. Pulling him closer into me.
His next words blown softly against my ear. Sibilant, sweet. Filling an empty
part of my spirit that I did not realize was empty.
"I care for you too." So easy for men to say those words when they were inside
you, and working their organs to orgasm. I longed for it, and wanted it, but
did not trust it. They never understood it. How you love the top, but were
not in love with them. They always made it personal. I resigned myself to the
misunderstanding. I leaned into his ear and whispered back. Voice low. Sudden
wry humor in my tone, as I surrendered to the inevitable.
"Tell me again, show me how you cum." He started to laugh. Breaking his rhythm
for a moment as he fought to stop it from spilling into his lovemaking, but
unable too. He shook with it, and pulled me closer. Looking down into my eyes.
Eyes that shone with a sudden shy humor. "Jesus, Annie. How the hell did I end
up with you?" I smiled slowly. Dragging his body deeper between my thighs.
Putting my hands into the long hair that hung over his shoulders, smoothing it.
Feeling it curl around my fingers. Trapping them in silken bonds.
"Just lucky, I guess." I murmured, reluctant to surrender to the intimacy of
the moment.
"Why didn't you want me to know?" That was an easy one to think, but not to
say. How to tell him of it? I looked away. "I read your journal, are you
afraid I'll hurt you? Not emotionally, but physically?" I shook my head no, it
was the emotional pain I did not want. My reluctance to speak was obvious to
him, but the motivation behind it was not. It was an educated guess on his
part, what came out of his mouth next.
"You couldn't see how I felt about you. You didn't know either." True enough,
blindness for how other people feel was not necessarily an asset here where
observations were so important. Maybe I hadn't wanted to see. I had to think
though about my own inspiration. I needed to think it through. It would be
difficult, but how to decide what to do with it. I wanted to be `normal.' What
was normal? That was the real issue. I could lay under Adam, take his body
into mine, but I did not know if there was enough real emotion left inside me to
let him have what I felt he deserved. "What are you thinking?" He asked,
gently. Watching the play of feeling over my face. His body once again moving
with mine. `God, he had a nicely formed penis. Perfectly placed to rub the
right spots.'
"That's it's been so long since I've had anything to do with anybody beyond a
quick fuck. I really don't know what to do with this whole situation." He
looked surprised.
"How long has it been since you have had..." He was going to say the L- word.
I could feel it. "A lover?" I shrugged. Had I ever really? Someone to really
laugh with, or talk with, or play with?
"Never, really. I don't have the gift of inspiring great love in anybody. I
just am... the way that I am." I didn't really want to talk about the stunted,
malformed nature of my emotional health. I didn't feel comfortable with it, or
calm enough with his sex slipping into mine so deliciously. This was too close
for me. I felt more relaxed with some distance. I always thought that I would
be better off with an arranged marriage. Someone that would want to make-love
once a day, but leave me alone for the rest of my life. "I have never had
anybody to laugh with. Anybody to share anything real with. I was lying to
myself about the way that I looked at you, because I didn't really want to know
that you had someone else in your life, or even had another life somewhere else
that I could not be a part of." That was true enough, and although I might
regret it tomorrow. I wanted to get it off my chest before the sun crawled over
the horizon. "It was easier to love you from somewhere over on the other side
of the room, enjoying your beauty, than to let you know and ridicule me, or own
me completely. Love was more power than I wanted to give anybody. Especially
someone in a position to use it to some psychological advantage." He looked
stunned.
"This love that we share won't have anything to do with here. We are both owned
here. I am barely one step above you." He was dead earnest. "I wouldn't want
to use it against you." Lord, he meant it. "Love doesn't mean that we have to
give up ourselves. I wouldn't want too."
"I wouldn't have to give this up?" He laughed. Putting one hand on my breast
kneading it. Eyes darkening.
"Why would I want you too? I met you here. I get to torment you here. I can
have you any way I want too, and see you during the week if we wish too."
Playing with my arm, and my shoulder with mild pressure. I felt an enormous
weight lifting from me.
"What about next weekend, and Tim?" He laughed and rolled me over on top of
him. Making me ride his hard organ as he played with my clitoris. Putting my
hands firmly on my own thighs. His eyes, danced. Teeth showing in a grin.
"Tim, has asked that you be opened so he doesn't hurt you when he takes you from
behind. Also that you be well-marked so he doesn't have to work up to much of a
sweat to make you raw." He got harder as he thought about it. I felt a bit
breathless myself as he described it. He pinched my sex, roughly. "I get to
open you tonight before you go to sleep, and I was told to make you sleep beside
me in torment." He rubbed the tips of my breasts. "I'm the only one who can
come right now." His eyes darkened with laughter, as I moaned in
disappointment. Working to make him orgasm quickly so my blood wouldn't boil
over. "Like I won't make you sleep in torment." I leaned over him, laying my
legs flat. Pumping him with my hips. Clamping down on his sex with vise-like
intensity. Catching his wrists in my hands, and growling into his ear. Leaning
into him, and murmuring.
"I wish I had that strap-on that Traci made me use on her. You wouldn't be
quite so sure of yourself if you were tied face-down beneath me on this bed,
Adam." His breath quickened. "I would grease you good, and grind you the way
you did it to me. I would soften that pristine skin on your ass first with a
nice long beating. You think that you are above me? You want to be me so bad,
you can almost taste it." He reversed us quickly. Putting my body under his,
and working efficiently to culmination as my words ran through his mind. I kept
up the pressure of my sex on his organ and used my nails on his back. He was
very close.
"Maybe Jon will let me use you as you have used me. I have been on top before.
I got the mean streak. I could do it." That was all it took. He boiled over
into me.
Body jerking in response to my commentary. Face scarlet with passion. Pumping
every last droplet from his body then slipping out of me, well before he went
flaccid. Collapsing on my torso, heavily. Out of breath. He leaned up over
me, and brushed the hair from my face. Putting it behind my ears and smiling
softly at me before he rose to go into the bathroom. He came out with a belt of
leather, and made me stand up to buckle it around me. He put one hand between
my shoulder blades. Pushing me so I was laying facedown, half off the bed. His
hands opened me from behind, slipping a phallus into my anus with a smooth even
pressure. Clipping it into the harness so it would remain. I almost came right
on the spot.
"Try to push it out." He ordered, I did, and regretted the sudden rush of heat
to my sex as I did it. I gasped. He put me up into his bed, and secured my
hands to the headboard so I wouldn't be tempted to relieve my own torment.
Turning out the lights, and snuggling up against my back. As the darkness
settled around us. I heard him whisper before his eyes closed in sleep. "I do
love you, you know." I closed my eyes with passion, and moaned against closed
lips. I would sleep in torment now.
<<<<<>>>>>
The only good thing about my restless night was that it inspired something with
which to dazzle Jon. God, help me.
