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The Family Feud IV
Chapter Seven
Chris’s Journal –I Tawt I Taw a Puddy Tat
STAR COUNT:
WENDY: 51
Get out of jail cards: 1
WHORE: 5,3,0,0,0
JAMIE: 59
Get out of jail cards: 1
WHORE: 4,3,0,0,0
**Note to reader: This is Chris’s journal from Sunday afternoon detailing the events of approximately 1pm when he is at the Flea Market. In order to increase readability, some of the dialogue exchanged was altered to appear in a ‘narrative’ story format.
“Oh my God!!”
“You can call me Sir or Master, you don’t have to go as far as God” I had just answered my mother’s painful and desperate cries. When is that bitch going to learn that only fuels my desire to hear more of it?
We had been loading all the family crap into Buddy $ales Warehouse. When I say “We” I mean my mom doing all the heavy lifting (naturally) and me in a supervisory role naturally. I made her carry it all by hand even though I could have had her load it into the truck and drive it over but who wants to waste gas these days when you got cunt power? Four bucks a gallon? No Thanks Obama, I’ll just load it up on my mother’s ass and have her cart it on over.
Buddy $ales is a total weirdo, but he did tell me a funny joke;
A man is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realizes she has gone without underwear. The blonde realizes he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"
"Yes, I'm sorry," replies the man and promises to avert his eyes. "It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you." Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss. The man, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do. "I can also make it wink," says the woman. The man stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him. "Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. The man moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"
Stunned, the man replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle too?!"
“Mom, can you make your pussy whistle?”
“No Sir, just my asshole.”
Even Buddy laughed at that.
Oh yeah, why was she screaming Oh My God? Well, Buddy’s warehouse is one of the only air-conditioned places in this rat-infested trailer park mecca and it also doubles for what these people might consider a “Sam’s Warehouse” or “Costco” selling the higher end of the shit-tastic junk that they all seem to treasure.
Well in my mother’s case it became a “BJ’s” because I was able to find about seven dudes who were willing to lay down twenty bucks each to get sucked off by my mom in Buddy’s backroom. My mom didn’t have any qualms about letting them pump her pussy or fuck her in the ass right in front of me like she might have if Jamie had tagged along so it went like clockwork.
That is until Buddy $ales skated up and wanted a cut since he was providing the ‘bordello’. I offered to let him have my mom in trade but he wanted Jamie instead. I was trying to work all that out when I got a text from my dad to haul ass over to some tattoo parlor.
I was thinking ‘Oh here we go again’ another Mikey’s tattoo parlor all over again. I really liked Mikey when I met him at the county fair, and I think the best part of the night was watching my sister roll around on the floor having a fifteen minute orgasm (I didn’t time it, maybe it was three minutes) . It was so hilarious watching her mewl like a kitten and suck her thumb.
She has no idea that men go through this all the time when we cum. My entire body tenses up and my muscles ache and, well okay, I don’t roll around on the floor and suck my thumb so I guess it’s nothing like that.
Anyway, I reminded my mom how it felt when she was the boss of me and could lead me around by a leash. I rushed her to get dressed and let the cum dry on her face and chest while I tried to follow my father’s fucked up directions through Hee-Haw land.
I could have sworn my mom didn’t mind fucking and sucking strangers on her hands and knees as much as she did letting go of some of those picture frames and baby books. I made a mental note to mention that to her sometime in an affirmation. I told her ‘Don’t look back at that pile of family bullshit, you’ll turn to a pillar of salt’ as we left what she hadn’t had time to load at Buddy’s behind.
You would think a woman in a micro-mini-skirt and half-shirt who has her hair and face glazed with cum like a jelly donut would attract attention anywhere she goes – especially if she is being pulled by her dog collar and has her hands cuffed behind her.
One thing I’ll give all the rednecks, freaks and general weirdos at the Flea Market is they aren’t judgmental, because we seemed to fit in. I’ve been an outcast for most of my life because of my weight and nerdy interests. Most people thought I was dumb even though I excel when you give me something I am interested in. I think this past week I’ve opened up a lot more than normal and maybe I’ll stop journaling so much and express myself more in public.
Amongst the Mexicans, the hairlips, the Cowboy hat wearing good-old boys and their pregnant cousins we didn’t seem all that out of place. I won’t say no one looked at us, but I don’t think we could have got away with this with all the SUV driving soccer-MILFS at a store like Bed, Bath and Beyond.
I was almost out of breath when I finally navigated the Bermuda triangle of bad taste to get to Dragon Tattoo. They’ve got three chairs and it’s all wide open so I assume I’ll see my dear sister and her golden hair flailing around naked on display like she did at that sweet arcade
(Mental note: Go find out if he has Gorf for sale!)
(Mental note update: I forgot, we are fucking broke. Even with the money we are making, no retro gaming goodness for Chris. I never get a break).
Anyway, I didn’t see Jamie but they were obviously expecting us because they pointed to this curtain to a backroom. I shoved mom face first into the room so I can catch my breath because Dad was texting like mad that we needed to hurry up and get there.
The place smelled like dog shit, wet dog, pussy and some kind of yummy asian food all rolled into one stinky cabbage roll with a dollop of sweat poured on it for good measure. That is the first thing you notice. With all the steam and dust in the room you’d think they were running some kind of full-time laundry.
Sis was naked (as she should be) with her legs splayed wide leaning back on a wooden broom stick like it was some kind of lounge chair. That had to hurt! I think I said something like ‘Hi ya Sis, seems you still have a stick up your ass?”
Her lips curled around the duck bill gag they had shoved in her mouth and I think she smiled at my joke. All that came out of her mouth was a bird call – totally brilliant! I need to get one of those –No, two of those!
Mom’s fat tits were dripping milk when she was back at the warehouse and now her shirt was soaked. This bad-ass asian biker dude who looked like an older Bolo Yeung from Enter the Dragon seemed to be running the show. He was impressed my mom was leaking milk so I didn’t hesitate to strip her naked and let him have a closer look. I found out later his name is Ryang and he is supposed to be local Yakuza if you can believe that.
There was a girl from my high school there and I know this sounds completely implausible but she was completely naked and had a broom up her ass just like Jamie. I used to have the hots for her in high school because I totally love Asian women. I may not have realized I like how submissive they can seem until my mom and sister started serving me. She used to be so studious and meek (and nerdy). I thought I had a chance with her even though she never gave me the time of day back then.
I don’t what she did to end up like this and I think I didn’t bother to wonder why. All the females in my immediate family were trussed up like the goose they had hanging over their makeshift stove pot, so it just made sense to me that she should too. You see naked Asian tits you don’t ask why – that is one of my new rules to live by and I think most guys would agree with that one!
My mom impressed me by joking casually “Do I get a broom too?” I think she knew she was going to anyway so may as well make a joke. I don’t know if I get my sense of humor from her side or my dad’s but this past week she has said some funny shit that has really impressed me. I’ll need to tell her after this is all over that I really enjoyed some of her sick humor. They call it ‘gallows’ humor because she usually cracks a joke when things seem completely hopeless. I admire it.
They greased up her new portable chair (broom stick) with ‘duck lard’ (Which sounds yummy) and slid it right up her tanned ass cheeks. Cow tits barely even blinked when they made her lean back and spread herself like her cunt of a daughter. It was hilarious to see them eye each other face to face like that and wonder what was going to happen next.
I decided to snap a few pictures on my cell phone for posterity sake. I’ve got hundreds of photos of my mom and sister pissing themselves in the yard and sucking dicks but even I had to admit being in a smoky backroom of a tattoo parlor was edgy for the Taylor family. I took quite a few of Sun-Lee in part because I was still finding it hard to believe she was here naked just like my sister and mom. I probably shouldn’t be surprised she was a proud, goody-two shoes over-achiever who wouldn’t give a loser a second glance just like my sister and so she was probably learning a valuable lesson. I really don’t care, because it made my dick hard and it was hilarious to see the three of these bitches squat on brooms and hold their pussies open for whoever wanted to look.
The tattoo artists acted very professional but what was really weird was they had all these other Korean washing women fully dressed, roaming around folding and pressing and taking care of a bunch of rugrat Korean babies. The rugrats may never remember seeing all this twisted shit or maybe that is just how they grow up, I don’t know, but even I was made a little uncomfortable by all their farting and burping and crying and crawling underfoot.
I grabbed a crate and sat by dad while we watched Mom and Sis get their pussies pierced. I would have liked to see them get a nose ring.
I joked with my dad, “You know Dad, by making this choice in some alternate universe, Jamie and Mom got nose rings.” My dad hadn’t watched that episode of Star Trek where there is an alternate Universe where everyone is an evil copy of themselves.
I tried to picture “Evil Chris” with a goatee pulling “Evil Jamie” with a nose ring around by a leash. In that Universe she looks like a punk rock angel chick or some kind of anime’ anthropomorphic cow and is always naked (Hey it’s an evil Universe and women can be subjugated there! Look, it’s my imaginary fantasy, it works how I want it too).
I think it would actually look hot for them to have nose rings. Then again, just like when Jamie got the tattoo on that perfectly pristine, completely blemish free ass of hers, I think it could subtract from her natural beauty.
Evil Chris doesn’t give a shit. He just sticks his dick right up his Sisters Ass. I love evil Chris. I should probably grow a goatee. If he ever breaks into my Universe I’ll be like, “Whats up? I am the real evil Chris” and that will confuse the hell out of him.
My father just looked at me like I was high when I tried to explain infinite Universes to him and I could tell he had a Man – Crush on that Ryang and didn’t want me jabbering about nerd stuff so I let it drop.
I talked dad into giving them each five stars for enduring all this if we could add some weights. I really liked seeing Sun Lee’s clit pulling that weight around and how it bobs and wiggles with every step.
I was feeling a little sympathy for Mom and Sis (I am a helluva guy, what can I say?). I am probably too generous to them and I am going to hate it when they earn their freedom but it will be fun while it lasts. I wonder what Evil Chris would say about that? He would probably call me a pussy.
The Koreans attached a quarter pound weight to my mom’s clit and just for fun I asked for a half-pounder for sis. I snapped some perfectly timed pictures of their faces when they felt the weight pulling down on their precious little puss-holes. I laughed my ass off and pointed, that was a lot of fun.
Dad nixed the idea of attaching weights to their nipples and opted instead for chains through the hoops. He gave Jamie a ‘high and tight’ so her nipples are forced upwards and had Mom’s run through her clit so every time she walks they’ll clink and jangle and probably drive them crazy.
It amazes me that the girls have the stones to take everything we can throw at them. Dad told me that Jamie said she enjoyed getting fucked in the ass earlier and let a guy piss in her mouth. That was a real shocker, but then Dad sometimes glosses over details. I will wait to hear what really happened from the little cunt. She may be a lot of things but a good liar she is not.
They kept making mom suckle babies but for some reason they didn’t seem to want Jamie to have a go. I think the constant real suckling may actually be part of a catalyst to finally get those milkers pumping! Sub-primal signals going to the brain ‘Whoa, a baby in need, turn on the mom juice!’
I don’t think Sun-Lee was even lactating and she was probably thankful that Mom and Jamie were getting all the attention for a change. I am sure when we left she probably got it because her father kept taunting her in Korean. I don’t think she minded as much because she kept a straight face and probably felt she deserved it.
My sister always confuses me because she flashes this perfect smile like the cover of a teen magazine and is bright and cheery even when I come up with something that should make her scared. I sometimes wonder if she is just a naturally happy, shiny person or if she is doing it to goad the cynical side of me.
The tattoo artist gave me this unbelievable idea (Even better than the bird whistle) when it came to prep them for their tongue piercings. (Let me just first say ‘mad props’ to my dad for picking tongue rings that look like shiny metal dicks, those are EXACTLY what I would have chosen). Anyway, they had them stick their tongues out as far as they would go then they used chop sticks like a splint to trap their tongues outside of their mouth.
It looked painful and irritating and I was definitely going to make this a new family tradition later on. The girls didn’t show me very much pain in their faces when he put the tongue rings in. I think that is the problem with using a professional tattoo artist who is used to customers who want it done as quickly and efficiently as possible – they don’t know how to make it more agonizing.
Then again it isn’t the momentary pain that will be fun to watch. I was already picturing people at school asking Jamie, “Oh you got a tongue ring, let me see it?” and her having to open her mouth and show them that little dick on top of her perfect pink tongue. Then again she may not because she may be suspended on Monday, but either way this should be a lot of fun.
I bet their blowjobs will be a whole lot more interesting. My sister and mom have become competitive about who can give the best BJ and this should add a whole new dimension as they master the ability to use it to aid their cock sucking efforts.
Mom and Jamie tried to fumble around and fold clothes to keep busy after the piercings had been set (with the gag-splint in!! YES!).
The Korean women kept straight faces but I could tell they didn’t seem to want the help (except for mom’s cow tits). I was thinking about other tattoos and piercings I’d like to inflict on them but Dad didn’t seem to have the stomach for more and I agreed they probably had enough(For now). There were still so many things I wanted to have done to them but I was more than satisfied with their change in attitude.
They moved more carefully now that they had a broom coming out of one hole and a weight swinging and hitting their thighs on the other hole. We made them feed us and honestly I wish they hadn’t because that was real Asian food. The Kimchi almost made me throw up from the smell but, with a little persuasion from Ryang, Dad and I finally tried it. It was spicy hot but didn’t really taste too bad. If it wasn’t for the smell I could really enjoy it. There is a big difference between what Asian people actually eat and the cool stuff you get at a Chinese restaurant.
“This tastes like the Poo Poo Platter, Dad.” I joked but he didn’t acknowledge it. I think he had a huge man crush on Ryang, the bad-ass who runs the place. Dad ignored me but I understand completely, I’d do the same if William Shatner was in the room (Fuck Picard!!)
We knew it was wrong to keep the girls from eating but having tasted the jellyfish soup or whatever the fuck it was we ate I didn’t want to feed them. I think Ryang would have saw it as disrespectful because he seemed to think he was giving us a delicacy and it would have been wasted on the women.
I don’t know if Korea is a misogynist paradise but the role of woman as subservient to man seems far more well defined than it is over here around American bitches. I don’t just mean with Sun-Lee, I mean with all these women. They kept their eyes cast down on their work and other than yelling at each other or children they only answered the men with a more respectful tone. I say ‘more respectful’ because the entire language sounds like two angry people yelling at each other no matter what they are talking about when I hear it.
As much as I didn’t want to do it, we had to give the bird whistle gag back. It had been an heirloom in their family or some bullshit for hundreds of years, which was probably true. That could explain why seeing women gagged and splayed naked may not have been as big of a surprise to them. I could always get some chop sticks the next time I order take – out and even let the delivery guy watch what I do with them!
It was getting on 3pm and we were supposed to meet Buddy to finish off the deal. “Well Ass Face, do you want to take the broom out of your ass or are you enjoying it?”
“It doesn’t matter if I enjoy it or not Sir, if it amuses you to have me sweep with my asshole then I will keep it in.”
“That will make the ride home interesting.” I laughed in response. Dad got her started on answering questions that it doesn’t matter how she feels about it and whatever we want. I don’t like to go against my father on things like this but I really would have liked to hear if she was actually enjoying it or she hated it. I’ll just have to put one check in the “Hated it box” on her behalf under ‘getting brooms shoved up ass’.
We made a little production out of measuring who had it up their ass the furthest when they slid off the pole. Mom beat Jamie by about an inch. Jamie pouted that she didn’t know it was a competition. It is so much fun to fuck with that little competitive bitch’s head. If you make something a contest she’ll bend over backwards to win -That is what I love about over-achieving sluts.
I’ve been measuring the width of their areola, the nipple radius, the asshole’s diameter (and all the other holes on their body, even their nostrils) since this thing started and I think one thing I can say for sure is they seem to have this need to be judged. I don’t know why women do this to each other and themselves and maybe it’s why there are beauty pageants and modeling agencies but their psychology drives them to put themselves in situations where we can decide who has the better this or that.
“I like Mom’s new piercings the best.” I told Dad and it was funny to see the cow brighten up like that had just made her day. Dad and I decided it can’t be all negative even though we want to break them down – we have to also have some positive reinforcement.
Jamie waited for the compliment that never came to balance it out and I could almost smell the wood burning between her ears. The Korean women had washed and cleaned mom’s cum rag of a skirt and shirt while we were there and apparently Dad had bought a hilarious t-shirt for Sis.
Jamie’s shirt was a little longer than we normally let her wear but since she didn’t get to wear any bottoms at all I didn’t offer my ‘veto’ on the outfit. We told her anytime anyone (including us) says ‘Milk, Milk..’ she is to finish the song by pointing to her crotch and saying ‘lemonade’ then turning her ass to face them lift up the shirt to say ‘around the corner fudge is made’.
The girls didn’t talk much because their mouths were understandably sore and numb from what they had just endured. They sounded like they just had a shot of Novocain at the dentist. You know that gives me an idea about finding a dentist who will shoot them up with Novocain just to listen to them stammer like idiots.
Three pm is like last-call at a Flea market. All the trailer trash return to the rocks they live under or back to the work release program that let them out for the day or wherever the fuck they come from so it was now virtually a ghost town. We could have walked the two sluts completely naked through the place and almost no one would have seen them.
There is that weird little park manager with the glasses who seems to always show up. I call him “Sargent Buzzkill”. I was thinking about daring the girls to crawl on all fours the rest of the way back to Buddy’s warehouse but we were almost there and I did not want to arm them with more stars than they had already for such a trivial task.
It was fun to watch them walk upright because they were both trying to move bowl-legged so the weights between their legs didn’t keep banging them in the thigh.
Dad ruined my fun by saying they could take it out to wear their chastity belts. I wanted them to think these were on permanently.
“I heard you told Dad you had fun today?” I asked my sister and I could tell by how she flinched that she must have told him that.
“Yes Sir, some of it was fun.”
“Was drinking piss fun?” I reached behind her and ‘cuked’ her ass. I had an Uncle who used to do that to me when I was little. He would squeeze my butt muscle and say ‘Cuke’ as he pinched it and released. I like to do little irritating things like to them when they are walking and if I don’t tell you about them in my journal, I may forget some of my better ones.
“Which time Sir?” Jamie asked carefully, her voice sounded lispy like a baby.
“Oh, you did it more than once? Tell us all about it.” I smirked at how her ‘S’ sounded exaggerated on ‘Sir’.
“Is this an affirmation Sir?” she tries to sound submissive when she talks this way but it just sounds like an old ‘I Dream of Jeanie’ episode to me when her responses sound submissive and now that she was lisping it only sounded more ridiculous. I feel like I am Major Nelson and she is going ‘But Master, I did not mean to blink Major Healy into outer space.”
I’d rather she just talk in the same sweet little voice she always uses but I guess that would sound too casual. Dad and I agreed if we were going to get them to accept new roles, then part of that would be accepting new names and that is how Cow Tits and Ass Face was born. I still like calling her other nicknames but I know that it has a subtle effect on their acceptance of our dominance in a positive way to rename them.
“Why, do you stop telling the truth when you aren’t under an affirmation?” I made the counter-point that it shouldn’t matter if it is an affirmation session or not. Jamie can’t lie worth beans but the affirmation is like Wonder Woman’s lasso around her tits and she is truthful to a fault for those.
You know it’s strange that I say she can’t ‘lie’. She can tell small white lies and be deceptive like most women can, but other things (bigger things) she has to tell the truth or she’ll just explode.
“No Sir, I was just going to ask if I could squat beneath you while you ask me these questions.”
“We don’t have time for that kind of luxury” I dismissed her request. “Tell your whore mom, and your Dad here about the two times you swallowed piss today.” I was laughing at her lisp but continuing to sound stern.
“The first time was by accident, Sir.” She told about the boy who had been so ticklish that while she tried to lap up his cum he pissed in her mouth. I believed that is how it probably went down but I wasn’t so sure she sold me on the idea she had to keep opening her mouth to swallow more so it didn’t go all over the place.
“What do you think Cow Tits? Your daughter is a piss drinker who told a trick’s mom he fucked her in the ass, should she have to apologize to her?” I cross-examined my mom as we made our way across the nearly empty flea market.
“Yes Sir, she should have to make amends for any deception.” My mom sounded absolutely sure of that. I wondered if she was mad or just distracted by the piercings keeping her pussy flaps wide open.
“Have you ever drank piss like your slut of a daughter?”
“Yes Sir, but not today.” She didn’t elaborate, which I hate. I like for them to go into detail so I don’t have to drive down into all the little questions. I have made it very clear I want them to be explicit and honest with me AT ALL TIMES!
“You know you are going to have to tell me all about every time right? I hope you have a good memory. Do you think you are above drinking piss?”
“No Sir, I am a piss drinking slut, but I would ask not to have to do it all the time, without stars?” My mom is a greedy little cunt that is for sure.
“That is what letters are for! piss bucket.” I threw in a new nickname just for shits and grins.
Jamie explained the second time was when she was trying to change a diaper right before we left. I could have done without the visual “Anytime a man, and I don’t care how old aims his pecker in your mouth to piss, you both swallow it like you are drowning and need water!”
“You mean thirsty and need water, Sir?” Jamie laughed at my mistake. Even she looked embarrassed because she was starting to sound like Elmer Fudd.
“I tawt I taw a puddy Tat!” I slapped her ass and mocked her like she was Tweety Bird noticing Sylvester for the first time. “Keep it up smart ass. Yes, it’s been a long day and I am already tired. You’ll swallow cum and piss from now on if it’s offered, and I don’t want to hear negotiations for letters every time either. You’ll be awarded fairly for your contributions.”
I asked Dad if he knew that swallowed cum stays in your stomach for seven days. I had read that in an article recently.
“Well we don’t want it to all go to their thighs, let’s get these stuttering bitches working.” He brightened at that.
I pantomimed a cowboy’s bullwhip whistling in the air and then sang “Head up, Move Em Out”.
My dad joined in “Rawhiiiide!” when he recognized the Blues Brother’s reference.
The girls silently started loading Buddy $ales warehouse with the rest of our stuff. I had half expected it to be missing when we got there but apparently even toothless yokels have better taste than all that fancy wicker basket and fancy-soap stuff my mom collected.
I stretched and yawned, “We’ve probably got to give them something to eat, I don’t think we’ve fed them today have we?” I was feeling bad because my replica of Glamdring from the Hobbit was going too. We all had to make sacrifices today (the girls more than us of course). I guess I would look pretty silly as an 18 year old with a Hobbits dagger anyway – If I had a Witch King’s sword now that would be pretty bad ass.
“They had breakfast” my Dad reminded me and we sauntered over to Buddy’s warehouse as we wondered if they could eat with the tongue studs anyway. The Koreans hadn’t given us any instructions on how to care for the piercings but Mikey had told me that some places don’t care as much as he does about the after care.
I could have carried something from our stuff with me to drop off but then that is why I’ve got two cunts to serve me. I was considering their dietary needs so why should I do grunt work if I am in management?
“Hey Buddy, how are they hanging?” he reminded me of one of those 1960s con-men who talks really fast and wears greasy looking product in his hair (not the good kind, some sort of grease, pomade I think). I probably sound like a huge nerd that I know this but the guy was the spitting image of Phil Silvers the comedian who played Sgt. Bilko and that is probably why I felt uneasy doing any deals with him.
He looked up from writing some transactions down in a book (Who does that in the age of computers) when we walked in and smiled at us. “If it isn’t the Wicked Family Robinson, right on time to get your three hundred dollars?”
“I thought you said five hundred dollars?”
“Really? I don’t remember that. I know you said five hundred dollars, but I don’t think I said that.”
My dad looked ready to take all our stuff back completely and then Buddy smiled and said “I am just joshing you, here is the 325 we agreed, less my cut for the time your mom spent on her back in my storehouse.” He didn’t let our serious faces change his outlook, he even made a joke, “Hey fellas, How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick! Hey this is the a-material stuff, you guys look like somebody broke your heart today.”
“Buddy, we need five hundred at least for this stuff.” My dad said seriously, “I marked it to go and it didn’t move.”
“That is just the thing, William is it?” My dad corrected him but I think he liked to call people the wrong name as sort of his schtick. “William, I am going to level with you. If you couldn’t sell all this stuff priced as it was, how can I turn a profit selling it for even less than I bought it from you for? Now, I like you guys. I like your wife’s tits, I like your daughter’s ass, you two…well, I like you guys, so maybe I can do an even 350 but you gotta let me fuck that cute little daughter of yours.”
Dad looked at him and said “For twenty five more dollars?”
“Oh, is this too much?” Buddy asked snarkily.
“She’ll let you fuck her in the ass for fifty.”
“See gang, you drive a hard bargain, but I am not a fuck in the ass man, brown eye is not my style. I like that old fashioned pussy, so I’ll go 375, because I really like that daughter of yours.” He was an old school wheeler dealer from way back and he had a way of making you laugh while insulting you that I wish I could master.
“Hey did you hear this one? Why does a squirrel swim on its back? Keep its nuts dry… listen I could do these all day boys, but I want to make something happen here before I go home to the old folks home. We’ve got a 6pm curfew there and the orderlies don’t like to be kept waiting.” His brash new Yorker accent gave him the kind of cute chutzpah that even though I knew he was full of shit I wanted to hear what he said next.
“My daughter is actually a virgin, and she is saving her pussy.”
“A virgin? Oh brother, have I got an Edsel to sell you that has only been driven by a sweet old lady out of Pasadena on Sundays.” He doffed his hat like it was going to fall off in disbelief.
“I know it’s hard to believe, but she only sucks dick and takes it up the ass.”
“Okay a virgin cherry, now that is a rare thing. Let’s say I could see the hymen in question, and I’ll give you the full five hundred dollars.”
Dad and me had to confer on this one. We could really use the money. It wouldn’t pay for everything we needed but we had both psychologically put our goal at ‘five hundred’ dollars (plus the pocket money we earned off the girls hooking) and what can I say, the girl is going to eventually lose it anyway.
My mom and Jamie were busy nattering away about their day and sharing experiences and bonding while they loaded his warehouse like good little worker ants carrying the bullshit from our pile and putting it into his pile.
We even picked up a few trinkets to carry and talk to them since we all wanted to go home. I had already promised mom to Van Pewterschmidt and I had a job lined up for Jamie as well.
“Listen, I know you wanted to keep your virginity, but you are just going to give it away anyway, and Buddy wants to pay us an extra almost two hundred bucks for it.” My dad lacks that Je ne sais quoi and savoir-faire that a salesman like Buddy exudes and even I wasn’t buying it.
My sister stopped in her tracks. She was carrying an old record player of mom’s that probably meant a lot to her but wasn’t worth crap.
“Dad, I’ve been pissed on, and lost track of how many dicks I’ve sucked, you fucked me in the ass, I’ve been electrocuted, my nose has been pierced and I feel like I am pulling a ten pound weight with my cunt. I’ve shit outside in front of people while they giggled at me, and been naked in front of hundreds of people who laughed at me, and the one thing I asked for was to KEEP my virginity!!!!!!!!! You can punish me if you want to but you are absolutely right, I am just going to GIVE it away anyway. I don’t want to have it sold or rented or taken from me – not my first time!”
That would have sounded brilliant if she didn’t remind me of a baby with a lisp when she had said it. I was beginning to see how this new piercing had the potential to humiliate them more than just in how it looked but in how they sounded.
“Okay, okay, you could have just said no sir and politely declined. We’ll just tell him we don’t need money and we’ll get enough some other way.” My dad was playing the old passive aggressive card and Jamie fell for that one hook line and sinker.
“Did you tell him I would suck his dick and let him fuck me in the ass, Sir?” she took a more polite tone.
“Yah, he doesn’t want your brown-eye staining his cock - He wants pussy.”
“What about me Sir?” My mom ‘bravely’ volunteering to take one for the team (having watched her insatiably fuck seven guys in the stockroom, I am not sure she was really minding it as much as she let on).
“No, he doesn’t want you. He wants Jamie.” It was my mom’s turn to look a little disappointed. I know being older bugged her sometimes but a lot of my friends ASKED to rent here because she is a MILF. It wasn’t just that she was the second choice because Jamie was already taken. I should probably tell her that (After the training is over). I don’t want her to get a big ego and undo all the humility training we’ve been doing.
My Dad went back to let Buddy know it was ‘no dice’ and he looked disappointed but didn’t keep asking about it. We stood at the counter and watched the girls walk back and forth to bring all the stuff inside, teasing them to ‘shake it’ and ‘get a move on’
They obliged good naturedly. I asked my father why he had let Jamie call him ‘Dad’ and not punish her.
“Son, the weeks we were slaves to them didn’t add up to all the torment we’ve put them through today. Don’t tell your mother and sister that but I figure hell, she deserves one vent….ONE!” he held up a finger and we both laughed.
Buddy recycled his joke about the women who had the whistling pussy to my father while we waited and my mom overheard us talking and even finished the punch line by sticking two fingers under her skirt and then putting them in her mouth and blowing.
The mood had lightened a lot since Dragon Tattoo. I seem to remember it happening that way at the county fair after they got their whore tattoos too. Everything had become very intense and extreme and then like the sun coming out from behind the rain clouds after a storm things seemed to get airy and fun again.
Buddy told my sister “You are the sluttiest virgin I’ve ever seen. Come see me when you grow some tits like your mother, I’ll put you to work.” as we left his warehouse smiling.
“Okay Cow Tits and Ass Face, we’ll stop on the way back and get some fast food – your choice.” The girls seemed surprised we were so generous. The truth is, two weeks ago they wouldn’t have been caught dead in a place that didn’t sell an avocado wrap or a tofu Panini or whatever fancy food they used to eat.
My mom brightened and said, “Wendy’s Sir?”
I slapped her ass to motivate her to hop up in the truck and said “We’ll see” just to fuck with her. I was laughing because the last time we went to the Wendy’s on this side of town we had handcuffed them to the dumpster and humiliated them.
We put them on all fours in the back of an empty truck and drove out of that flea market. Dad and I don’t talk much in the truck but I just know tweedle-twat and tweedle-cunt do in the back. I kind of envy how they seem to share the hardship together. Dad and I were doing that when the tables were turned and I think it made us grow closer together.
I don’t mean in the gay way like we had to masturbate right in front of each other. That was weird and we seldom ever talk about that. I mean since Mom and Jamie agreed to let us have payback we talk about how we are going to handle things with them, but that is very pragmatic - We identify the problem and then we come up with a solution.
We think up new ways to torture and humiliate them and decide how that is all going to go down, but back when we were serving together I seem to remember him and I just sharing the hardship together and it building a bond between us.
I don’t want to switch places with them again, but I do miss that feeling.
“We gonna handcuff them to the dumpster again?” I asked my dad.
“Yep, why wouldn’t we?” he answered matter-of-factly as if the answer should be as obvious as the sun rising in the morning.
“I was just making pleasant conversation.” I said quietly as he focused on the road. He didn’t even notice the subtle humor of how, not very ‘pleasant’, making plans to handcuff your mother and sister to a fast-food dumpster and feed them cold fast food really is.
You know what I said about not wanting to switch places with them? Well I take that back. I am not so sure now.