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Karen Hodge
It wasn’t really a shock that my grandmother had passed away she was after all ninety-seven but my mother was naturally more upset so I had agreed to go and help her sort through some of her things. Tim wasn’t too keen on going with me but at thirteen I didn’t want to leave him in the house. Of course he protested saying he was grown up enough but reluctantly he joined me in the car and sat in silence most of the journey.
I did feel a little guilty taking Tim away from his friends for the weekend; since his dad left and we moved because of my job he had taken a while to make new friends.
Although to be honest the two boys he hung around with weren’t really my cup of tea. Chris and Ryan were typical boisterous boys with more than a hint of mischief and when ever they came over they had that leering look of undressing me with there eyes.
Mum and Geoff my step Dad were of course delighted to see us both and Tim seemed to have got past his sulking stage and in an odd way we all enjoyed going through all my grandmothers’ things. We decided which to keep and which to give to charity. It was Tim that came across one of the oddest items she had hidden away in the bottom of her wardrobe.
It was a very old brown leather strap with a slit in one end to make two tails, I could see Mum blush and Geoff gave a wry smile as Tim asked what it was. Mum looked really sheepish while he told Tim it was a “tawse” and that my Grandmother had used it on naughty girls at the school where she worked many years ago. He then laughed and told him that Elaine (my Mum) could tell him a thing or two about it.
It was actually news to me that Mum was disciplined with it while she was growing up and she nervously admitted that it was used regularly on the seat of her knickers until she was seventeen. She went on to say that if it was up to her then I might have got it growing up too. It was only the fact that my real Dad didn’t approve of physical punishment. Tim was fascinated with it and even swung it down on a cushion on the sofa and joked that it would be good fun to tan a naughty girl with it.
It was Mum’s next comment that made me gasp with surprise when she told Tim he could have it to keep and maybe if I didn’t watch myself it would be my bottom that would keep the family tradition going. They all laughed as I hissed to Mum how dare she say such a thing. Of course all weekend he teased me by saying things like, “I hope you’re going to be a good girl when we get home Mum” making everyone smile as I blushed. I replied quite angrily to stop being so ludicrous only to have Geoff comment “I can see that spoilt attitude you have Karen earning you a sore bottom”, only for Tim to gaze on in amusement.
In the car on the way home he even held the tawse in his hands the whole time and began telling me that he thought we should work out some ground rules for to me to follow and maybe even have a contact for me to sign. I was amazed he genuinely expected me to let him have a say in what I did let alone thinking he would ever get to use that stupid thing on my bottom.
I was trying to be diplomatic by telling him that it was not really appropriate for a boy his age to consider disciplining a grown woman let alone his own Mother. He responded by reminding me of several of my shortcomings not least of which was my relationship with money. I did use my plastic a lot and often forgot to pay bills on time and bought clothes I didn’t need and never wore. What with me having to concentrate on driving and my guilt at what he was saying it suddenly flashed though my mind to agree to his proposal knowing full well I would keep to the conditions.
I easily convinced myself that it would be good not to spend silly money for a while and he would soon get bored and I had treated him like an adult in the decision-making. He responded with a very smug and self-righteous “that’s a good girl Mum” and then with a huge smile on his face “at your age I might even have to take your knickers down”.
My mouth fell open at the cheek of him and I was speechless to think of a reply knowing my silence would look like compliance. I couldn’t take the image out of my head of him standing behind me gloating as he removed my knickers and thrashed me with the tawse. Why on earth was I acting so meekly towards him and I had the stark conclusion that it was going to happen for real soon enough.
The rest of the journey went by without another word on the subject but I couldn’t think about anything else. I had basically agreed to let my thirteen-year-old son determine how I carried out my life and be punished physically if I disobeyed him. I was thirty-four years old and contemplating having my bare bottom smacked like some naughty girl in a previous decade.
Once home I sat and opened a bottle of red wine as Tim said “goodnight” and then with a brief pause “You left the house in quite a mess before we went so I would suggest you did some housework before getting drunk like a common tart”. He sounded just like his Dad, my god how dare he speak to me like that I took a large gulp of wine and replied “oh Tim be a good little boy and just Fuck Off”
The moment I said it I felt so ashamed and disgusted at myself, Tim had ran to his room and slammed the door. I took another few sips of wine and went to his door “please can I come in Tim, I’m so sorry”. His reply was totally unexpected “Well go and take your jeans off and fetch the tawse up”. I hesitated trying to decide what to say when he followed “and be quick young lady before I phone Nan and Granddad to tell them what a filthy mouth you’ve got”.
This was becoming more absurd and surreal every second and in spite of the fact that I had no idea what was making feel so obedient to him I went to my room and slipped my jeans down my legs and off. For some ridiculous reason I quickly took a clean pair of knickers from my drawer and changed into them. I hurried downstairs feeling totally bemused by my own eagerness to continue this charade.
I picked the tawse up from the table and gazed at it for a minute. I tried to tell myself that I was behaving in the most foolish way and to just throw it in the bin and tell Tim that I was the adult here and I did as I pleased. That was all well and good but I was half way up the stairs and with my head shaking from side to side and my mind screaming a silent “NO” I knocked on his door.
He opened it and his face lit up with an enormous smile, my hands were held out holding the tawse flat like some kind of offering although it was my bottom I was really offering. He took it from my hands and ushered me inside, the cocky little sod had even pulled his computer chair to the middle of the room and laid a towel over the back. How could he be so sure I would have done as he said? It was too shaming for words s he led me over the chair with my hands flat on the seat and hips resting high on the back. Without my shoes I was practically on tiptoe and could feel the skin on my bottom stretch tight as well as the material of my knickers.
His left hand rested on the small of my back just pushing my jumper up a little so he was touching my bare skin above the waistband of my black knickers. I had picked some plain black cotton knickers to cover as much of my bottom as possible. I could feel his body move than a sharp stinging pain across my bum cheeks accompanied with a loud smacking sound. Another caught my cheeks a little lower down causing me to suck a deep breath.
“You deserve this don’t you Mum” with no disguising his enjoyment in his voice he delivered another two stinging smacks. I wasn’t going to answer him until he swung much harder and the swipe had me bend one knee and kick my leg several times to almost shake the pain from my bum. My head had dipped down to the seat of the chair and my jumper had slid all the way down to my shoulders as another hard swot of the tawse made me take turns lifting both legs and shaking them.
Tim took his hand from my back and stepped away “I think we need more room to get a proper swing don’t you Mum”. What did he mean” we” and like I was going to agree with him. He was right though and the next one had me yell out loud much to his delight “oh does it hurt Mummy” he asked as condescending as he could.
He was tapping the tawse now in quick succession on the seat of my knickers, “so Mum how many more do you want”. I was tempted to say none of course but I knew that wasn’t the answer he was expecting and much to my embarrassment I whined like some snivelling schoolgirl “its not up to me Tim please give me as many as you like”.
He was ecstatic “So Mum you have really learned who is the boss very quickly haven’t you” and with another couple of real loud whacks I could only respond with a very contrite “yes Tim”. I could sense him walking back towards me and he made me jump as he pulled my bra up at the back to slide the tawse under it to keep it laid flat along my back. With an ominous laugh he exclaimed that it was time for my knickers to come down.
“Please Tim No” I gasped out in utter humiliation at the thought of him taking them down. He gave a swift slap with his hand “what’s the matter you’ve got a nice arse, not big and fat like most of the kids Mums”. “That’s not the point” I tried to rationalise but it was hardly a rational situation. I yelled out a pathetic sounding “Ohhh Tim you can’t” as he firmly lowered my knickers to just below my bum cheeks. Oh how I tried to press my legs together not daring to imagine the view he had of me in such a shameful position.
With a couple of squeezes and pinches and even a lewd jiggle he determined it was a touch on the fat side but looked a very nice shade of red. That was the last straw I jumped up and grasped for the waistband of my knickers not sure whether I had flashed my bush to him. “I’m your Mum for gods sake” I shouted and rushed out of his room. Back downstairs I pulled the stupid tawse from under my bra strap and rubbed my hot bum cheeks. My whole body felt so alive and almost tingling with such a thrill. The tawse seemed to be looking at me and in my head I realised what a tremendous buzz it had all been.